As women who love too much, we like to believe that we are capable of deep intimacy even though our partners aren't. However, we all tend to choose as partners people who are capable of the same level of intimacy as we are. If our partners cannot tolerate intimacy, we 're with them probably because we can't either. Because closeness actually feels threatening, it's easier for us to keep wishing for it than to actually live with it.Ironically, when we stop defining a partner as “the problem," a greater degree of intimacy gradually becomes possible between us.